Daddy I Miss You

Daddy I miss you,
I miss the piggy back rides to the store,
The weekends at the park,
I miss you daddy so much.
I miss your hands so thick and rough,
I miss the dinner you cooked for mom,
I miss the glass tricks you do,
I miss the laughs,
I miss the games,
I miss praying and the stories before going to bed,
I miss your manly voice so rough but so sweet and kind,
I miss the “Te Quiero’s”
I miss your colored eyes, your bright smile, your tanned colored skin, I miss your spanish accent,
I miss your stupid laugh,
I miss your hugs,
I miss the nights you and mom would put me to sleep,
I miss the driving lessons on a freeway,
I miss you daddy so much,
I miss the fun moments, the my space nights, showing you old pictures,
I miss you a whole lot, I hope you miss me as much as I miss you.
Daddy… I just want to be with you.

Memories of You

after Joe Brainard

I remember when we met,
I remember when we first spoke, the nervous tone in your voice,
I remember when I first looked into your eyes,
I remember when we exchanged numbers,
I remember when you first called,
I remember our first date,
I remember the we watched Happy Feet together for the first time,
I remember when we shared popcorn,
I remember making our own movie combo, the coke, popcorn with extra butter and the relish with the mustard on one side and the ketchup on the other side of the hotdog,
I remember our first hug,
I remember the first “I love you”
I remember our first elegant dinner,
I remember our first photo shoot,
I remember fainting in your arms,
I remember our first kiss,
I remember the first night I spent in your arms,
I remember our first book,
I remember my first concert with you,
I remember walking into church,
I remember our first time at Petco Park,
I remember our first shared tear,
I remember our first party, I remember the time you burned me with the pan while trying to fry bananas,
I remember the first time you hit me, you left my body all soar,
I remember the first time you yelled,
I remember the time you bit me, we laughed and laughed,
I remember the time you asked me for forgiveness and promised to change,
I remember the day I took you back,
I remember the time we confessed our deepest secrets, shared the things we had never dared,
I remember when you tried to teach me how to dance,
I remember everything about you, your hair, your eyes, your voice,
And it hurts to remember the last time I saw you drive away.

Come Walk into My life...

If you
Were to walk a mile in my shoes,
Your birthday would be on October 17
If you
Were to walk a mile in my shoes,
Your life seems so perfect until you turn four,
As you run to the door to welcome daddy home,
The smell of beer is penetrated in his shirt,
Your mom asks you to go to your room,
As you lie in bed you hear the commotion outside,
You take a peek out the door,
With your body shaking out of fear you silently open the door,
You see your mom in the ground,
Dad’s hands on her neck,
As you run to her aid,
Your dad hit your mom for the very first time,
If you
Were to walk a mile in my shoes,
Time later you are introduce to a “step- dad”
Mom tells you they are moving together,
You are sent off to go live with your grandmother,
If you
Were to walk a mile in my shoes,
10
You would find yourself walking without a destination,
You are surrounded by lots of people yet you feel lonely, ` You attempt suicide at the age of 13,
If you
were to walk a mile in my shoes,
At the age of 14 you begin a social life,
Going down to Mexico every weekend,
You party, you dance, and eventually you begin to drink,
If you
Were to walk a mile in my shoes,
You use your mother as an example,
You question yourself, you wonder, you cry,
And at the end you only get stronger than ever,
If you
Were to walk a mile in my shoes,
You begin to set your priorities straight,
You separate the good from the bad,
You love yourself,
You want the best for you,
You take advantage of the opportunities you have,
If you
Were to walk a mile in my shoes,
You put yourself in the Lord’s hands,
You know he will take care of you,
You know he loves you,
You know he wants the best for you,
If you
Were to try to walk a mile in my shoes,
You wouldn’t be able to handle it,
Perhaps a few steps later,
You would take my shoes off
If only you would dare…

A Stolen Childhood

Sitting in bed makes me sad,
Thinking about the past,
I cry now and then, and she wonders why,
I can’t help it but to lie,
As my tears slowly fall I believe I’m still a child,
He took my childhood,
Ripped it into scattered pieces that now are hard to find.
Since then my life is all messed up,
It’s like a puzzle with some missing pieces, unable to be put together.
Two of the main pieces of my life were taken from me,
My childhood and my mom.
With words and abuse he traumatized me for life,
I remember as if this were yesterday.
I’m often reminded by:
The news, the rumors, the dirty talks,
It’s as if it were to be the victim’s fault.
They make the victims sound so dirty, vulgar and bad,
It’s no good I can say,
But if only people would say it another way.
It’s almost as if now, regardless of rules and instructions,
Woman has become a man’s thing to attack,
Boobs and butts seem to become an attraction for a rapist’s satisfaction.

If Only

If you were here I would tell you that I love you, If you were here by my side I would feel safe, If you were here to guide me I perhaps would be different more like you, If only you knew the way I feel, the feelings I have for you, I love you dearly without any doubt the question is do you care? If you were to call at least once I would change, If you would tell me about your life I would tell you about mine, If you would try to communicate maybe I would listen and we could become best friends, If you would just be there for me I would have trust in you be open with you, If I had your support I would have tried my best in school, If you were to make us your first priority we would be the happiest kids, But instead you chose him, If you would have helped me with my homework I would’ve passed my test, Instead you got home and went straight to him, My brother has become an addict and you wonder why since you have given him everything, We indeed get the material things, but what you don’t realize is that you were never there just because, Yes you bought us brands, the so famous seven jeans and coach shoes the most modern luxuries, And all that good stuff, but you never gave us what we wanted, your attention and love, If you were to be here on my 15th birthday, my wish wouldn’t have been to have you by my side, You are not the perfect mother nor am I the perfect child, lets give it a chance…

Monster, Why?

The summer night was a typical hot night. I did everything in my power to fall asleep but for an unknown reason I just could not keep my eyes shut. Every time my eyes came shut I came across his image. It was as if I could foresee what was coming my way. As the clock marked one in the morning I stood up in my long t-shirt and underwear. Turned on the fan to its fullest power, open the window sat in my bed and lit a smoke. The night was loud. I could hear the festive souls from the neighbors down the street. As the cigarette came to its final ashes I suddenly felt lightheaded and exhausted. I hid the ashes in the burnt candle tray and lied on my bed. A moment later I was dead to the world. In deep sleep. It all seemed rapid, in an instant I was awakened by a strange and familiar hand rubbing my naked legs. I pressed my eyes hard as I prayed for it to go away, for it to be just another night mare. But it continued. I gathered all my strength jumped out of bed holding the sheets to cover my body. As the monster came to me with the smell of alcohol penetrated in his breath. He whispering “let me just touch, just touch, just a little touch,” as he pointed at my legs. As I pushed him out of my room as he fought his way back in. I was relief to hear a noise coming down the stairs. I was not alone. She came down the stairs with uncombed hair and half asleep with a question on her face as she looked at what was happening. I could have sworn she saw what was happening but she looked at me, close my bedroom door and ordered me to sleep. I fought back the tears as I lied there and wondered what his pleasure from this was. Because for me it they were certainly painful acts of cruelty that caused terror in my life. Memories from childhood and now even in my adolescence that would forever mark my life. After that, it was for certain I would not sleep that night.